Seven Ways to Get What You Want from Other People

We all need the help of others from time to time. These seven tips can help you whether you are asking your spouse for help with the housework, a colleague for help with a project, or a customer for the sale.

When we were kids and we wanted something, we resorted to the few things we knew to do: begging, crying, holding our breath until we turned blue, etc. Those tactics were not always successful when we were children and they almost never work for adults. ;o)

The good news is that there are lots of ways to persuade others to see your point of view and do what you want them to do. Persuasion is not high-pressure and it does not involve tricking or bullying anyone. Not only are those tactics unpleasant, when they work at all they do not work for the long term.

Here are seven ways you can use persuasion in both your business and personal relationships.

Ask for what you want. Do not expect anyone to read your mind. If you need something, ask for it.

Be clear and specific. When you tell a child to pick her toys up off the floor, do not be surprised to find that she has picked them up and put all of them on the bed. After all, you didn’t say to put them in the toy box, did you? When asking for someone’s help, be specific about what it is that you need so that they understand your request.

Do not be a victim. No one likes to be guilted into something. It might work for the short term, but eventually it will drive people away from you.

Look for the win-win. To paraphrase the famous quote, ask not what someone can do for you, ask what you can do for each other. Is there a way that by helping you, the other person gets something they want? For example, perhaps by volunteering on your committee, they get to meet someone they want to meet, or get experience that will help them in their business.

Do something for the other person. In “Influence,” Dr. Robert Cialdini wrote about the principle of reciprocity. If you do something for someone else, they will feel obligated to pay you back. Start building up credits by helping others when you can.

Make it as easy as possible for the person to help you. If you ask someone to do something that requires them to spend a lot of time and effort they are less likely to agree than if the task is simple. It might be easier to get five people to commit to each spending one day doing something than to get one person to spend five days on it.

Be appreciative. When someone helps you, say thank you. And when a simple thank you isn’t enough, send a note and/or a gift to let them know that what they did for you is valued.


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